In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
