We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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