anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize