i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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