there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
