i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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