I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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