I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
