not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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