Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
