so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
