You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize