Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
