I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
