You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
