I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
