4 words: hood of his car
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
