Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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