i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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