I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
