Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
