Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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