The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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