I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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