Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
