Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
