he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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