Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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