I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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