To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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