so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
