how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
