Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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