We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Houston, we have a blender
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm like, not good at living.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize