It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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