On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
