I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
