I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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