I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
