they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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