She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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