Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
