She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
