i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think i have two assholes
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
