I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize