If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
