that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
