i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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