I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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