The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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