i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
