I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
