Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
