On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
