I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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