Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize