My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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