dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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