if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
