He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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