i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
