Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
