i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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