We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
