He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need a beard to bite.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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