loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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