I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
